Every age group has a few issues to solve. They go along with the territory. Toddlers are consumed with the urge to break away from a parent and run across the street. Repeated reminders are required to help them learn self control in order to avoid dangerous situations. Preteens - well, preteens seem to have it all and it looks to me like they could be issue free if they didn't always want even more. That their rooms are usually in a state of complete disarray doesn't seem to be a problem for them, only the parent. On the other hand, I have never met an issue-free teenager. Independence, freedom, dating, school, addiction to texting, fashion - any and all decisions might become potential trouble spots. Only leaving the age group behind promises relief. But what comes next? Relationships, jobs, marriage, carriers, motherhood.... and then ..... midlife crisis.
I made it through all these stages to the age of 75. Yes, friends, I am not done yet with the "milestone" 75; it was a major shock to my system. I added a few minor observations to the list since my last rant; things like finding out that I am a stranger to the outside world after dark.
Yesterday, after my first drum circle in Mountain View, a town that is an hour away from my home if I take Light Rail, I walked past long lines of people waiting to buy ice-cream. Under the street lights I encountered Mongolian spices, Vietnamese pho, books on metaphysics, short shorts, tiny doggies, and large baby buggies. Castro Street bulges at the seams with things I haven't observed in a while. And Light Rail is populated with snoozing teens, old traveling guys with long hair and crappy bicycles, and young guys in hoodies or creepy monster tees. A dad with green and orange curls hugged his young daughter. Did they just come from a Rocky Horror Picture Show Sing-Along?
Nothing wrong with "Outside" except that I usually close my front door when the sun goes down. The night world only comes to me on television. But yesterday I wound my way through the real thing and lost my balance several times, almost ran into a person and a light post. Imbalance is a leftover from chemo, usually bugs me in the dark, and gets me a bit perturbed.
This happened after two hours of pounding the drum with 69 other enthusiasts, an awesome experience that should have kept me on a high for days to come. When my Light Rail train started to move I pulled out the most familiar article I could find in my bag, a ball of brown Bear face yarn. It is then that I thought of the various stages we go through, the issues we face, the fears we need to conquer. My stage, my fears.
Illness and death..... knit a row ....... Alzheimers ......knit another row ...... stare into the dark ..... watch the old guy hoist his bicycle onto the rack .......knit a row ....... cancer ..... knit real fast and skip a few memories ... my friend J. lives in a care home now; the web site says "starting at $7,000.00.... knit, knit, knit for heaven's sake .... heart attack .....why are you stopping to knit? ..... I don't have that kind of money .... knitting ... how long from onset of dementia to the point when one doesn't know that it is present? ....count your rows .... I can see the reflection of the kids behind me in the window ... four more rows ... . I have to try the new nose on this Bear..... ah this is Diridon Station, almost at the end of the line ..... Being able to draw a box in perspective means I am not demented ..... the new Bear nose looks better than the little square one ..... done with the head .... now getting off Light Rail and walking toward my car ..... who is walking behind me? ..... skip the paranoia part ..... Ah! Good! The car feels good. I can't wait to get home ........ a cup of peppermint tea and a crochet hook ... The upside down triangle nose on Bear 279 looks cute. But she needs something on her hat ..... can I crochet the letters P E A C E?
Yes I can!
And here ends my somewhat frantic yet also meditative ride home. I am on familiar territory again. I begin to crochet little letters, a hit and miss undertaking, but eventually Kagiso's hat is done. Kagiso means Peace. Kagiso is my second party Bear; she is joining Lerato at the garden party for Amy Berman. Since she is just coming home from a peace march and a vigil for the many dead, injured, and homeless children of Syria she is determined to wear her desires in public.
My stage in life! What does that mean? It means that I have time to pound my drum, take pictures of old t-shirts, read a few books on the global condition, write down my thoughts, knit Bears for children who need something to hold on to. It means that I, just a couple of days ago, figured out how to improve the nose on my Bears. That's good enough for now.
I wore this t-shirt today; thank you Lorraine Krofchok for being such a steady influence on my life for almost 30 years.
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